


I Just Want You To Know Who I Am

by Krasimer



Series: Do Not Go Gentle [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Disabled Character, Fix-It, Horrorterror meddling, M/M, Memory Alteration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 10:57:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3485678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krasimer/pseuds/Krasimer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is MITUNA CAPTOR, and the pain that thuds behind your eyes everytime you try to remember is not something you think should be happening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Just Want You To Know Who I Am

Your name is MITUNA CAPTOR, and you can hear the mostly one sided argument that is currently going on outside of your hive.

Kurloz is outside, and he is the quiet part of the argument, with Cronus being the one yelling. You don't like yelling, but when you listen in to the words, you feel a flare of warmth in your chest, blood pusher pounding. Cronus is yelling something about not being kept from you, about being allowed in to see you, and you can't help but smile at the words being shouted. 

Ever since you died, Kurloz has been overly protective, even for a moirail. 

Instead of letting Cronus in, he keeps him outside, the sound of the yelling floating up to your window. A quick, careful, cautious glance allows you to see him, the marks he has on his forehead quirked downward with his narrowed eyes.

As if he can hear you moving to look out the window, Kurloz nudges you back with his chucklevoodoo and then closes the window. Despite the control you know he has over how it changes the way he looks, his eyes are glowing a brilliant purple that is a glowing version of his blood. He signs something at Cronus, whose fins flare out in a display of threat, anger obvious on his face.

You remember him holding onto you as the world ended.

Pretty much as soon as that thought connects, your think pan starts hurting. Instead of letting it bring you down like it usually does, you focus on the ring that Cronus is wearing. It looks prettier than his others, the ones he stopped wearing ages ago.

That thought hurts you too.

You try again, closing your eyes and covering them with the heels of your hands, digging your claws into your forehead as you just try to think.

Cronus, tall and solid in the remembered moonlight of Beforus. His hands on your shoulders, his forehead against yours and a soft smile on his lips that you can't stop yourself from returning. The coolness of his skin a balance against your heated flesh and the softness of his lips as he presses them to yours.

A swell of pain, almost like a tidal wave, crashes over you, leaving you curled up in a ball on the ground.

You think you might have whimpered.

Another flash, and you can feel yourself drifting out of your dream bubble hive, away from the fighting and away from the two angry trolls who are arguing outside. The feeling of your psionics bursting to life and ripping across your skin isn't any more pleasant. 

You whimper again, curl your arms around your head and tuck your knees to your chest. You're laying on a beach, the warm water lapping at you as you try to breathe through your nose. This is Cronus's beach, and for a moment you can see yourself walking on the sand, hand in hand with him, before the two of you fade away and you are left alone.

Closing your eyes, you curl even smaller, hoping to avoid seeing anything else that would leave you in pain.

"Hey!" someone greets you, a hand on your elbow. The touch is cautious, like they don't know if you're alright with it. The slowness with which they sit next to you is calming, and after a few minutes, you recognize Latula's perfume, the texture of the carpet in her hive. When you open your eyes again, she's sitting next to you, just barely an arm's length away.

Her hair is ruffled, like she'd been riding her board recently, and her smile is so wide that you worry her face might fall apart, that her head might split in half.

"You okay?" she asks quietly, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. "You don't have your helmet." she sits there, waiting for you to answer, waiting for you to say anything or do anything that might tell her that you're uncomfortable.

You think about it for a little bit, then you nod. "I'm okay...I think. Feelth like my head exthploded."

She helps you sit up, then wraps an arm around your shoulders. "I'm gonna play games for a bit, you cool to play?" she offers you a controller, then smiles even wider when you take it. "Radical. Found a game I forgot I had, from back when I first started playing."

The odd music and the shifting lights eventually meld into a rhythm that makes you forget why you were ever upset.

In the back of your mind, you know that something is wrong, but you can't remember what, and you can feel the darkness of something closing in, the worry creeping on the edge of your thoughts.

 _'Tuna fish!'_ someone calls in your memory. _'Gotta stay avwake Tuna! Stay vwith me, please!'_

You jerk away from Latula, chest heaving as you try to breathe normally against the sudden tightness trying to choke you. You remember something about your head feeling like it was being split open, something about someone who shouldn't have been there, something about something that you can't put your finger on.

You remember that there was something to do with Cronus.

Next to you, Latula pauses the game, the controller already down on the floor as she moves a little closer and calls your name. 

Not her, you think as she reaches for your hand cautiously. Not her not her not her not her not her not her not her not her nothernothernother NOT HER not her noh er nothe r.

Excuse me.

(Thith ith not your thought.)

I believe that you may be a little too close for comfort to the truth about what was done to you.

(Get out of my head!)

I'm sorry, did you just order me around?

(Fuck off.)

Shall I teach you a lesson in humility then? I must say, I would have fun watching you fight against your own friends with nothing more than a simply phrase drilled into your thoughts so deeply that you can never be rid of me.

(I thaid, fuck off!)

Hmm. So be it.

When you wake up again, your head is in Latula's lap, her ungloved fingers carding slowly through your hair as she hums something that sounds vaguely familiar. Between her thighs and your head is a pillow, as if she needed to cushion you from something.

"You okay?" she asks quietly, the only thing that betrays her worry the slightly dazed expression on her face. Her eyes are wide, and she goes still as you sit up slowly. You start to pitch sideways and she catches you, steadies you, then pulls you back down. "I managed to get Kurloz's attention. He's bringing you your helmet, he'll be here soon."

"Thankth." you mutter, rubbing tiredly at your forehead. "Did I thay thomething awful to you?"

"You said a few things." Latula shrugs one of her shoulders, lips twisting down in a frown as she briefly brushes your hair out of your eyes. "I don't think they were aimed at me, but it was still a little worrying."

"Thorry." you whisper, and you can feel the tears building up. The gentle headache that accompanies them is a relief in comparison to the headaches that come with remembering.

She shifts slightly, tucks her hair behind her ear again, then sighs. "It's alright."

The sadness in her voice almost makes you wish you could remember what set you off this time. The two of you sit there, her hands in your hair, until Kurloz arrives with your helmet. When he walks into the room, he guides you upright, settling the thing on your head with a gentle nuzzle of his nose against yours.

After a quick series of signs at Latula, he helps you stand, holds your hand as you walk out of her hive.

It's only when he has you back at yours that he turns to face you completely. You didn't notice until now, but he has something clutched in his hand, the one that wasn't holding yours. When you tilt your head at it, he does something that looks like it might be rolling his eyes and holds it out to you.

 _ **'Cronus told me to give it to you.'**_ he signs, an annoyed frown twisting his stitched together lips. _**'Kept saying something about motherfucking memory loss, wanted you to have it.'**_

The 'it' in question is a small buzzbeast, about the size of your palm, with soft yellow and violet stripes making up it's body. The wings are a lighter yellow, and it has big black button eyes. When you squeeze it close to you, you can smell the seadweller on it. 

You close your eyes behind the blue and red shield of your helmet, a small smile on your lips. Looking closely at the wings, you notice that the stitching isn't quite even, something that speaks of an inexperienced maker. As if Cronus made it himself, spent time putting it together just for you. Kurloz looks at you expectantly, tilting his head to the side. _**'Well?'**_ he asks, fingers stumbling over the word for a moment.

It weighs less than a newly hatched grub, but somehow it feels heavier than anything you have ever held before.

The constant screech of static in the back of your mind vanishes as you look at it, as you hold it in your hands and smell the fabric that has his scent so thoroughly soaked into it. Every inch of it reminds you of him. 

The memories slide back into place as smoothly as if they had always been there.

"I think," you start as you meet Kurloz's eyes. "That Cronuth and I need to talk." When he gestures for you to go on, you shake your head and grin at him. "He callth me Tuna Fithh, even when I tell him not to. He maketh me laugh, and I need to be near him again."

The twist of his stitched lips as he nods his approval makes you feel a surge of fondness towards him.

"And then we need to hunt the bathtard down, the one who did thith to uth."

The look in his eyes is almost enough to make you afraid of Kurloz Makara for the first time in your existence.

**Author's Note:**

> Second part! I think it's going to be a fairly long series? Maybe? Don't know yet.


End file.
